Oct 10, 2018
A poem on anxiety — The Cage
Trigger warning: This contains mild representations of an anxiety attack & chronic anxiety. Please do not proceed to read if any of that is a trigger for you.
Little by little
Ounce by ounce
I crept into this space
That kept me renounced
It renounced me of my ability to think rationally
It renounced me of my ability to function normally
What is normal, you might question
Only if I knew
Could I educate you
For I myself am yet to experience
This normal
Where everything is nice and rosy
Where it doesn’t rain
And pockets are full of posy
Where apparently your emotions don’t stop you
They strengthen you
And the ability to do something
Isn't a miracle
It’s habitual
You know it isn't easy
Feeling like you’re constantly lesser than you are
You know it isn’t easy
When someone wants to blame you despite getting this far
It’s restricting and frustrating to feel like you’re so small
So insignificant
That you could dissipate into thin air
That you could cease to exist
And nobody would care
But why, oh why did people think I wanted it this way
Why, oh why was I constantly told
“Just get over it, your despair
Your despair is invalid, you’re overreacting”
Well, tell that to my brain
For it is constantly brimming
It is filling me up with thoughts of negativity
It is filling me up with worthlessness and everything
But serenity
It’s taken me so long to get to where I am today
That sometimes it still scares me
It keeps me up at night
The sheer horror of what I went through
When my mind wasn’t my own
It was an entity unknown
It was my own worst enemy
Fueled by angst, sadness and rage
My mind was nothing but a cage
Nothing but a cage
But that was the past
And i have come way, way beyond it
It’s not to say i don’t have my bad days
I still have to hold on and stand unfazed
It won’t happen overnight
It won’t happen suddenly
It’s painful and ugly
But when it happens
It’s worth all the pain and scars
Because suddenly the animals inside the cage
Have become gloriously lit stars
— Arushi
This World Mental Health Day, I wanted to share a poem I wrote a short while ago about anxiety and how it affected almost the entirety of my teenage years. It’s been a struggle but it has made me stronger than I was before and I still have my bad days but it’s gotten easier.
Lastly, I just want everyone who is struggling or suffering in any way to know it doesn’t get better, you get better.
Much love & strength! x
Follow me on Twitter, if you’d like to- @arushiwrites
